I'm trying a new routine, first and foremost. Before diving into my work day, I've started reading for about 30 minutes. Not easy because there often little humans running around and it's noisy, but I've stayed committed.
HOLY crap. Now, I'm sitting here after 30 minutes of insanely good stuff by Rob Bell (author of How to be Here) and I literally can't handle the creative juices that are now flowing. I've got new thoughts, energy and ideas racing through my head... and anything I touch today will be BETTER because of it.
I move fast - often too fast - and I'm trying to create some habits that force me to slow down (and then move fast, lol) BUT, if I'm moving fast with greater purpose, then it will FEEL better. And more fulfilling. I've accepted that I actually don't have a slow button - well I do, but it's not pretty when I shift gears - which means I damn well better make moving fast feel as abundant as possible.
So there was that.
And then this. Last week I was having a conversation with a woman whom I greatly I admire. She does all sorts of amazing things with her talents and I look up to her a great deal. We were discussing some personal stuff I've been working on and how we might collaborate. I was talking (fast, of course) and then she stopped me, laughed and said, "Mel, I have to ask you - how are you doing this all?"
Here was my chance you guys. To DELIVER some profound bit of wisdom that would impress the socks off of her and make her think I had the secret to a perfect life. Go big, Mel... go big. So of course, here's what I said:
"I have no idea."
For the love of God. Seriously, I just said that. "I have no idea."
And then I said, "I realize how profound that is."
And then we both laughed.
"That's probably the most honest answer I've ever heard," she said. "I wish more people would just be honest about what it takes."
We went on to have one of the BEST conversations about how it's not knowing 'how' you do it, but just really staying open to 'why' you do it. We talked about self-awareness and recognizing when you are red-lining, going down the dark path of self-destruction and being honest about your joy... and pulling the plug before you become a total hotmess.
So, my lesson. Sometimes impressing those people whom you think need impressing just requires you to be honest, truthful and real.
Okay, circling back to the book chapter I read this morning. (I swear this all has a point.) This morning's chapter was about the journey to finding your 'thing' - your calling, your vocation, your truth, etc. Rather than confining it to simple steps, the chapter felt very liberating and that really, it's all about following your curiosity, having the courage to try and keeping the faith.
But then, I read this line:
"You explore the possibilities because you can't steer a parked car."
BAM. That was it. I move fast. I don't like being still in my life. I am obsessed with trying new things and exploring opportunities. I'm incapable of shutting it down and my curiosity always finds me saying 'yes' to some crazy new adventure.
This past year I was starting to question whether or not this was a good thing. Maybe it's what's keeping me from finishing things... maybe it's distracting me... or maybe... just maybe... it's who I am. It's in my DNA and it's part of my very being. (I also made a connection to my absolute obsession with roller coasters, btw.)
I don't like parked cars. I like to move.
And I love when people hop in the car with me and trust that it'll be an unforgettable ride.
So, a few moments before writing this, I fired off an email to my NYC friend that simply said, "I do all of this and I figure it out and I embrace the mess and I thrive in the chaos because... I'm not interested in being a parked car." (And then I elaborated so she didn't think I was batshit crazy.)
Last point. This massive creativity and word throw-up is because I read for 30 minutes before turning on my computer. Um, yeah. This is what happens when we move slow to move fast...